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On July 23, 1857, an article published by F.R. Horner in Liverpool, England included this phrase: "sticks and stone may break men's bones, but bad names will not hurt me."

While the intent of the message is for the speaker to position themselves above bullying, the absolute reality is that, words are powerful and they not only can hurt, they can destroy.

On the opposite end, words can also transform and lift up. Have you ever spoken to a young child, maybe your own, or a member of your family, and complimented something they’ve done? If so, have you ever taken the time to notice how their young face lights up when they are praised? They are filled with esteem and confidence that they've earned your approval. There is truly something extraordinarily powerful contained within our words.

The words that we speak have the ability to build up or tear down another person (Proverbs 18:21). They can build bridges of trust and intimacy, or they can create walls of resentment and isolation. As Christian couples, using our words wisely and intentionally is crucial for building a strong, Christ-centered relationship.

Examples of Words that Tear Down:

  • Hurtful Language: Calling names, insults, and sarcasm have no place in a loving marriage. Choose your words carefully and avoid language that is intended to wound you partner - intentional or unintentional.
  • Threats & Ultimatums: Threatening to leave, withhold affection, or use finances as a weapon creates fear and resentment. Focus on collaborative solutions rather than threats.


Words that Build Up

  • Words of Affirmation: Instead of the hurtful language, practice expressing appreciation for your spouse's contributions, both big and small. You'll find it goes a long way. "Thank you for taking care of the house today," "I'm so proud of how you handled that situation," or simply "You look beautiful" are all examples of affirming words that build trust.

  • Humility: Taking responsibility for your words and actions fosters trust. Acknowledge your mistakes and avoid making excuses. "I was wrong," "I should have listened to you," or "What can I do to make things right?" are examples of phrases that show humility and a desire for reconciliation.

What do you do if your partner doesn't practice what we're sharing? Well, we pray with you for a supernatural intervention in their life. During the waiting period, instead of building up a wall and retreating into a shell of distrust to protect yourself, remember to receive the truth of God's promise of you and let that speak to you and over you. His Words give us victory!

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Terrell and Jen

PO Box 459, Indian Trail, NC 28079
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